goodbyes

Roller Coasters - I love them. The first time you ride one is always the best. Just a few weeks ago I was having a wonderful time with the senior class as we rode roller coasters at Busch Gardens in Tampa and the Universal parks in Orlando. That trip is one I hope I always remember. The kids made it exceptionally fun and smooth.
The past two weeks, however, have been a roller coaster of a different kind. I found out almost two weeks ago that I won't get to be a part of the lives of those kids anymore. And not just the seniors (I know they're graduating and moving off to pursue careers), but all the others. The kids I have spent the last three years getting to know, the kids who I've spent time trying to teach how to graph lines and parabolas, as well as about life and relationships, the ones that I have told of the love of the Lord and prayed they would see His glory and love Him back, the kids who have become ingrained on my heart whether I had intended for it to happen or not, those are the kids that I can't imagine moving on from. I can't imagine not seeing them everyday, not chatting with the in the hallway, not being a part of their days and having them to be a part of mine. Truly, my heart is pained and it aches. I love the kids I've gotten to teach, the kids I've gotten to coach. I will grieve what was. I think I already am. I've heard time and time again that God has bigger things, or at least, different things for me. I believe it, but thus far, that hasn't made it hurt less.
Just after hearing the heart-breaking news, I underwent ACL reconstruction surgery. I've been at home with my thoughts for the past week and five days about the whole thing. But over this time I have felt loved. While recovering from the surgery, there have been people in and out of my apartment that have brought food, spent time cleaning up, doing dishes, loading and emptying the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, washing my hair, lifting my leg when I couldn't, filling up my water cup, fixing plates of food, and simply hanging out with me. These people, by majority, weren't outside of the school circle. Most of my visitors I know only because I was a teacher and a coach. The love they've shown has overwhelmed me. The community of people I got to know, for at least three years, are generous, kind, compassionate, caring, sacrificing. They are a people compelled by love - the love of Jesus no doubt. God's grace is evident in that He followed the feelings of brokenness with all the helping hands and friendly faces. The time with my thoughts would have been much different had they not been around. I am deeply grateful for their time and efforts.
As I go back to school tomorrow, I go with a heaviness knowing that my time is more limited than I realized. I hope to make the most of my remaining opportunities. Those kids have meant more to me than I knew I had let them. May the Lord be glorified in the finish.