create in me

Oh hello sinful nature, didn't expect to see you here...

Whew, what a week!  You won't believe it.  Shelly followed me all the way to Thailand.  She packed up her nasty, disgusting bags and hopped on the plane in Birmingham.  Haven't really noticed her until this past week, but boy did she make an appearance!

Thank You, Lord, for showing me the parts of me that I don't want to see; the parts that break Your heart and give satan a playground.  The parts of me that look like a clogged toilet.  Lord, the parts of me that You've put as far as the east is from the west from my identity.  God, those parts that held Jesus to the cross, that now are so far from me that I look like Christ when You see me.

"...for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ" - Galatians 3:27
" For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." - Colossians 3:3


This week has been tough seeing the sin in my life.   One thing is for sure though, we're never alone.  In the last blog I said something about being a team and learning and growing as a team and the Body.  It's still true.  I'm not the only one in Thailand seeing the faithfulness of God.  In showing us our sin, He's shown us much more about Himself.  When I see the greatness of my sin I see my need for the Gospel and my need for the saving grace He's so mercifully bestowed upon us.  In seeing my sin, I see my faith grow.  I see the parts of my heart that hurt my Jesus.  I remember there is no strength apart from struggle and that He is sovereign.  I remember that I'm not here as Shelly for Shelly, but here as Shelly, a daughter of the King, for the Kingdom and the glory of God.  One thing I know that is greater than my sins is the grace by which they are covered.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." - 1 Peter 5:10


I've been blessed over and over this week.  Last night God so graciously afforded me the opportunity to talk about Him and Christ with someone who knew almost nothing of the two.  Who am I to represent the Lord?  Answer:  His chosen ambassador.

We listened to a sermon a few days ago by Tim Keller titled "Blessed Self-Forgetfulness".  Have you ever tried to forget yourself?  I mean really tried!  I would say if you've tried, then you've failed.  And if you haven't thought about it then chances are, you've failed as well.   I know, welcome to a world where you're best isn't good enough.  Isn't it beautiful!  "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is make perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)  The scripture used in the sermon was 1 Corinthians 3:21-4:7.  The part that made my ears perk up was in verse 3 of chapter 4.  Paul writes, " I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself."  What!?  Who does Paul think he is making such a statement.  Not only does he not care what others think, but he's even belittled his own thoughts concerning himself.  And we, we cannot even get away from ourselves.  Like I said, Shelly packed up and took a vacation to Thailand.  If we aren't building ourselves up and taking pride in the way we look, the wealth we've obtained, our talents and even our 'spirituality', we tear ourselves down and get caught up in self-condemnation.  Either way, it's all about us.  Paul had reached the understanding that even his evaluation of himself was not in any way tied to his identity.  Convicted?  I think so, and for good reason.  We are good at saying our salvation is in God and that we are hidden in Christ, but we are also good at not living in that.

Lord, I am weak.  I am selfish and self-consumed, wrapped up in what others think, wicked beyond what my mind can even comprehend.  But, even these things are not tied to my identity.  I pray that by Your grace I will forever find my identity in Christ, resting in the sonship along with Him.  I am Your's and You are mine.  Create in me a pure heart, O Lord, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Make me more like a child....

opportunity to depend

Welcome to a world of different.  Almost everything here in Thailand is exactly that, different.  The food is different, the people are different, traveling and traffic are different, the beds are different, the climate and the creatures are also, you guessed it, different.  I could go on and on, but no need, I'm sure you get the picture.  We're not in America anymore.  And it's a pure blessing.  We're just over a week in and in the words of one of our team members, we are "hitting walls" with some of the differences.  It's getting tough for some of us to eat rice for every meal, tough to go to campus everyday with a smile on and new questions on our minds to have new conversation with the same people we've been having small talk with all week.  It's exhausting for some to carry on conversations with people who don't even speak our language.  And yet, a pure blessing.  In these times of exhaustion and plain discomfort we are being stretched.  We are growing.  In perspective training this morning we learned that this summer is going to be tough.  But that we already knew.  What he pointed out that I found to be a nugget was that this summer our comforts will be taken away and the sin in our hearts are going to start bubbling to the top out of a lack of depression.  If we were at home we could go to the nearest coffee shop and wind down, we could curl up in a nice cozy bed and have a "me" day, go out with some friends to our favorite restaurant and order our favorite dish, or even just call up our bff and have a chat.  Whatever comforts we have at home did not follow us here to Thailand and it's in having these comforts things go unnoticed.  There's not much chance to be alone here either; just one of the many things our hearts are going to have to sift through.  Transparency, anyone?  Normally, I would say no thank you, but here that's not an option.  We will learn as the Body and grow as the Body.

Going to campus this week has been an awesome experience.  I've had the opportunity to everyday ask God to be my smile, my words and to give me questions and boldness.  I've loved it!  He has been faithful in each day.

The Thai people have made me consider how I treat others.  They don't know us from the man in the moon, but they have a genuine interest in each of us.  My ministry group goes everyday to make friends in a department known as the TESOL.  These young men and women are learning English and how to teach it.  Because of that, a great number of them speak very good English, and since we can't speak Thai, communication is made possible.  This is not exactly the case for other ministry groups, but they are seeing fruit of their own.  The girls we sit with will share their lunch with us and even buy us some food now and then.  I've had them buy me an ice cream cone and some fruit.  They have such goodness in them.   I'm looking forward to knowing some of them better and definitely excited to hear, maybe years down the road, about who God has called to Himself.  The opportunity to depend has made me more like a child.  

The Canteen where we eat lunch everyday.  Can't really tell in the pic but it's like a huge pavilion.

 Our ministry team out to dinner Friday night.

This little boy was completely fearless.  Not the case when the snakes started coming towards us.

only day two?

As most of you know, I'm in Thailand, the "land of the free".  The Thais are very proud to say that they are the only Asian country that has never been colonized by anyone.

But let's back track a little; back before I knew that tidbit of information.  We started to Thailand on Tuesday morning.  Surprisingly, the Birmingham airport isn't too busy at five in the morning.  The plane was scheduled to leave from there at 8:25 but it was pretty humorously delayed about thirty minutes.  We arrived in Khon Kaen, Thailand around 7:30 Thursday night.  With the twelve hour time difference the hours of travel rack up to about fifty!  Crazy!!  You would think we were absolutely exhausted when we arrived, you're right.  If we had slept in those fifty hours it was in chairs and with nowhere to stretch our legs so naturally, next to the shower we all wanted and very much needed, we were ready to crawl into a nice, cozy, clean bed.  There are no words to describe the emotions following my first run in with the mattress on my bed.  One of the words used to describe the beds we sleep on is a door.  I'm sitting on it now as I type this and I have to move quite often to ease the pain.  I wish I was exaggerating....

But for everything else, I love it!  We did come home and we did go to sleep.  Friday morning was our first Thai meal; it was pork on a stick and yes, it was for breakfast.  It was so good!  It tasted a lot like BBQ ribs from home.

It's so hard to blog because there is so much to say.  I want to talk about one thing but then my mind jumps to something else that I want to share.  I want to write about how different it is, about the language barrier, about the language, about the food and the culture, about the Thai Christians and how loving they are, so many things.  

We went on a city tour yesterday and we got to see just how different our new place of residence is from our past one.  When I heard that we were going to a fairly big city in Thailand I was kind of disappointed because in my mind it was going to very Americanized; not the case here.    This vehicle is called a songtow.  Otherwise known as a Thai taxi.  It's how we've been getting around on occasion. This video is a bit shaky, but it's all I've got.  It's on a street through the city and you can kind of see just how tight things are here.  In most cases, two cars have trouble passing each other on the roads.  Most people here drive motorcycles or mopeds.  And by drive I mean they go wherever, whenever and expect that you won't hit them and they won't hit you.  Maybe in the future I'll post a video of the traffic.

The people we've gotten to talk with here and start forming relationships with are GREAT!  They are some of the nicest, most genuine people I know.  They are wanting relationships with us more than I think we were expecting.  

I could go on forever and not finish talking about all the "news" of the trip.  I can already tell how hard the summer is going to be and it excites me.  God will have His way in the lives of everyone involved and we'll grow, not in the ways we expect, but in the ways He's written out for us.  We'll form relationships with the people that are not the ones we are initially attracted to and those will be the ones that we think the most about when we are home.  These people will impact our lives even more than we could have dreamed about impacting theirs.  It's unbelievable that God has called us to Himself and that He would afford us this opportunity to learn so much about Him through the faith of people half way across the world.  His grace abounds yet again.  This summer, the easiest way to live will be like a child....

still becoming: everything i am for YOUR kingdom's cause

LORD,

Hold me. Love me. Help me. Your power goes beyond even these things.  YOU hold the world in YOUR hands and I want to feel YOUR arms wrapped around me.  I want to hear YOU whisper that YOU love and YOU’RE here and its okay. LORD, change the beating of my heart. I hate that so often only in brokenness do I cry out to YOU.  YOU are I AM, more than enough, all I need, my unfailing lover, hope, joy, beauty, grace, forgiveness, love, peace, patience, gentleness, the lap I can crawl into to find encouragement and comfort, truth, life.  Most things YOU are I do not know for I’m far from understanding them in my mind; it’s too weak to comprehend.  LORD, YOU are my SOURCE.

YOU have said “Look for MY face.” My heart said to YOU, “O LORD, YOUR face will I look for.”-Ps. 27:8

It is HIS face I want to see.  I want to be gazing on HIM, seeking to understand HIM, transforming into HIS image. 

                I PUT other things in the way sometimes and sometimes I let things block HIM.

I read this devotional once.  It was on Malachi 3:3a, “HE will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.”  These ladies were studying Malachi when they came across this verse and they didn’t understand.  So, one of them volunteered to research the process of silver refining and report back to the rest of the ladies.  She made an appointment with a silversmith but didn’t really say anything about why she was really there.  As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that, in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. For if the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"  He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's the easy part -- when I see my image reflected in it."  

Amazing!  GOD wants to transform humans (me) into himself.  Our sorority verse is 2 Cor. 3:18, “For we all with unveiled face, reflecting as in a mirror the glory of the LORD, are being transformed from glory to glory even as by the SPIRIT of the LORD.”  HIS goodness and power make no sense.  HIS love I may never understand.  HE sits and watches us to make sure the fire isn’t too hot.  HE holds us in a fire and yet keeps us safe at the same time.  In HIS patience, HE waits until HE can see Himself when HE looks at us. 

GOD,

I pray that YOU take every thought captive.  I pray that I trust YOU as the refiner.  LORD, show me when I’m allowing things to cool the fire for which YOU have me in.  Give me patience, perseverance, and a heart after YOUR’s.  Thank YOU.

becoming

Redeemed, but at what cost?  That, I'm still learning.  Life's been an interesting journey thus far, and I'm expecting the rest to be no different.  Through Campus Outreach I've been invited to join a Cross Cultural Project team on a two month trip to Thailand!  It will go from the end of May to the end of July.  Yeah, sounds cool to me too.  I've felt God leading me toward the mission field for two and a half years now and a trip to Thailand is unbelievable.  The team and I will spend the majority of our time on the campus of Khon Kaen University.  There we will be paired with ministry partners and hanging out on campus.  We will be serving the Christians and non-Christians, attending church over there, and forming relationships with the people of Thailand.
     We are in the process now of raising support.  Each team member is to raise $6,000.  It sounds like a lot, but really, what's a lot to God?  The support letters are out, for the most part.  Now?  We wait and pray.  My prayer is that we don't start doubting that He will provide and that we don't become proud if He does.  Remaining faithful and humble either way is going to be hard.  It's going to be a time of growth and a time of dependence....a time to become more like a child.